I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
