ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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