you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
