i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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