i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
