The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
