I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
