Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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