i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
