Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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