Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
