see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
