I'm so fucking centered right now
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
