I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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