singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
