well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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