Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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