Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
