So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
