She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
