You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
