At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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