i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
