I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
