having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
