Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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