I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
