nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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