WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
