I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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