the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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