Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
