My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
