Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Are my feet made of real feet?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
