We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
