I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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