me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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