Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
