i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
