I puked a lego.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
