Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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