just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Mom said you looked used
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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