i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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