Porn is love you can see.
My balls are so social today.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
