we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
