...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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