So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
