i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
