we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
