i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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