I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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