I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize