I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize