Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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