He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
