I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
this is an emotional support booty call
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
