Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
