I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
