margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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