apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
